Never before in the history of the world have we witnessed so many advances in technology and innovation as we see today. We have knowledge and information at our fingertips. We can communicate with someone in almost any part of the world in seconds. We live in nicer homes, and we drive finer cars. We can even shop with the click of a mouse without ever leaving the comfort of our abodes. In many ways, technology has made life more convenient, but yet more complicated. On the contrary, our day-to-day lives are more stressful. Our moral fiber and family values have been depleted. We have more health challenges and overall, our quality of life is on the decline. To add insult to injury, we have more churches and ministries than we can count.

It burdens me to see the foundation of the family crumbling underneath our feet. Our spouses and our children do not run on batteries like our blackberries. Our families require time, attention and nurturing to make them feel loved. Our spouses and our children are to be cherished as the precious gifts from God that they are. In order for us to have happy marriages and families, we need to have a better understanding of our own role and needs, and the role and needs of our spouse.

God tells husbands to love their wives even as Christ also loved the church (Eph 5:25). God gave man the awesome task of being a reflection of His love. This purview of God's love for His people is expressed by a man's love for his wife. If a man does not show this degree of love for his wife, then he is not glorifying God. God's presence does not dwell where He is not glorified. This is evident in the lives of many in broken homes. A man is to be a covering for his wife, as well as his children. If you are not covered, then you are exposed. Many families are torn and ripped apart by Satan and his demons because of the many fathers that have left their post and left their wives and children uncovered. Unbeknownst to my own father, he left our family uncovered in pursuit of other women. My father repented of his sins, but there were still consequences. He died knowing that his children were estranged.

According to Divorce Magazine, 2002 statistics; fatherless homes account for 63% of youth suicides; 90% of homeless/runaway children; 85% of children with behavior problems; 71% of high school dropouts; 85% of youths in prison; and well over 50% of teen mothers. God is still asking men the same question he asked Adam thousands of years ago - "Where art thou?" (Gen 3:9).

Wives need to understand that sex is the number one need of their husbands. The word of God strictly warns married couples of the dangers of depriving one another of sex (1 Cor 7:5). There are moments when either of the two are not in the mood, (chances are it will be the woman). However, time and effort should be made to ensure that sex is an active part of your marriage (1 Cor 7:3). If this duty is not fulfilled, it can, and probably will, lead to problems in your marriage. Satan has perverted sex to the point that even some married Christians think that it is a dirty act. For the most part, it has become a taboo topic within the church. Sex is God's gift to marriage between a man and a woman. As a side note, the church must do a better job as a whole to teach sex education to our youth and young adults. God created sex and His servants should be the expert on the topic and not those of "the world."

I would also add that a wife should not use sex as a tool to manipulate and control her husband. On the other hand, she should use sex as a method to encourage and motivate her husband when he is down or going through a difficult time. The motive behind the former seeks to usurp his authority as the head of his household, which is witchcraft. The latter seeks to build up her household (Prov 14:1).

A man also needs to feel needed and respected by his wife. Arguments will occur in marriage, but the two should always be respectful to one another. As mentioned before, women have the gift of influence and should not use their power to put their husbands down. A man has a tendency to shut-down on a wife who is perpetually disrespectful. A man needs a woman that he can trust with the deep places of his heart (Prov 31:11). By the way, although it is difficult to resist at times, nagging gets you nowhere. Wives should be proactive in creating a welcoming atmosphere in the home, especially in regard to preparing meals and keeping a clean house. I personally believe that the negative attitudes some modern women have towards housework has been a factor in the decline in marriage proposals. You and your husband should have a discussion about him helping out. Some husbands are willing and some are not. My husband does not offer the best support when it comes to the chores, but he did hire someone to come in help once every two weeks when I was pregnant with my daughter. He gets big points for this one. Cleaning services are pretty reasonable and money that is spent to maintain peace in the home is money well spent.

˜ Return to Your First Love, pages 419 - 421