Book Excerpts
Marriage and Friends of the Opposite Sex
By Teresa R. Jones

It is not impossible to have friends and acquaintances of the opposite sex when you get married, and it works out a lot better if they are married too. I might add the fewer of them, the better. If friends of the same sex can cause problems in a marriage, friends of the opposite sex escalate the problems to a whole other level. These relationships should be handled with caution and care, and the extent of them should be limited. You should almost never discuss intimate details of your relationship with your spouse with someone of the opposite sex. On that note, intimate details should seldom be discussed with someone of the same sex either. Once in awhile someone may need to vent or seek advice from an individual other than his or her spouse. If you do, that person should be trustworthy and in a position to provide you unbiased advice. Moreover, if the advice you are seeking pertains specifically to your marriage, it should come from people who are actually married and in a solid relationship themselves. Don't discuss marital problems with those that are having problems themselves, unless they have worked through them. Remember that misery loves company.


Sometimes people establish relationships with co-workers and often times these relationships only exist at work, but don't really go beyond that. These work relationships often include those of the opposite sex, and most colleagues will have a casual cup of coffee or a meal together. Business is all about networking. Nonetheless, business relationships must be handled with care as well, especially in terms of the opposite sex. The good thing about these relationships is that they are usually group relationships, but sometimes they are one on one. Theoretically, business is business, so there should really be no need to discuss your personal life except in a general context. If you find yourself having regular interaction with your co-workers, these relationships should be disclosed to your spouse especially those of the opposite sex. Any relationship you have with someone that you cannot tell your spouse about is a sign of a problem. As far as the casual breaks or meetings outside of the office, I have a rule of thumb for the one on one platonic relationship with the opposite sex. That is, "lunch is casual, but dinner is intimate." Most business can and should be handled during business hours. I know many high power jobs suggest otherwise, but this is not God's plan, especially if it is on a consistent basis. The Bible says "Abstain from all appearance of evil (1 Thes 5:22)." In order to maintain a happy, healthy marriage relationship, there must be balance. If your work requires you to be away from home often, then it's of the utmost importance that you marry someone that is mature enough to handle it. If your job requires the late dinner meetings, it's in your best interest to get into the habit of bringing your spouse along whenever it is possible, which is acceptable.


In an effort to bring God's glory to your marriage and family, always pray to God to bless and keep you. "Be sober, be vigilant" (1 Pet 5:8), concerning your marriage and family. Be faithful to Jesus and your family and He will be faithful to lead you into loving relationships (Jn 6:33). It is not enough to marry someone that you love. You should marry someone with whom you can grow and have a life.

˜ Return to Your First Love, page 428


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